When I think back to October 21, 2008 and my bilateral mastectomy, I don't remember being nervous at all. At the time, I just wanted the cancer to be gone and was lucky enough to have Brendon and one of my dearest friends in the whole world (Terri a/k/a Penny) at my side early that morning and was also fortunate to have the rest of my family there that day. Brendon, Penny and I laughed and laughed at the strangeness of what was about to happen and it felt good to know that they were cutting the cancer out of me.
To be truthful, I don't miss my breasts at all. It's funny that how something or two particular "things" that I thought were so important ... So important in fact, that I got breast implants before cancer, can be so insignificant in my life now ... And as I have said before, I feel more "whole" without them and this is how I am supposed to be. Will I miss the rest of the lady parts? I don't think so but it does make me a little sad.
This surgery is different in the fact that I don't have cancer in the lady parts ... I will admit this past month and that week of waiting for those biopsy results were absolute hell. I was happy that they didn't find cancer, but the what ifs and what would be next if the cancer did come back clouded my mind and scared the living "shit" out of me. Tomorrow, after all of the lady parts are removed , they will test to confirm no cancer or precancerous tissue is present (standard and they aren't worried).
At my "pre op" appointment about 2 weeks ago, we went over all of the options and both came to the same conclusion. After I shed many tears talking about this past month, I truly believe my surgeon completely understands where I am coming from, where my mindset is, understands the physical issues that I have been having and what we both believe that the plan is necessary. To some, a total hysterectomy may seem drastic, but to me, it is what needs to happen and I am comfortable with this ... But being that it is another major surgery, it still scares me ... So whatever kind of mojo, prayers or whatever works for you to send our way, we will definitely appreciate it.
As I have approached many things in my life, both good and bad ... I will overcome and be stronger than I was before. It'll take a little bit for me to get back there, but I am looking forward to getting back to another "new normal" ... To ride the new tandem bike that the hubcap gave to "us" for Christmas (photo attached), enjoy the summer up north at the cabin with the family, to "compete" in triathlons, to run another marathon and possibly, in 2015, do another Ironman distance race.
We will see. I'm going to embrace my recovery and embrace 2014. I think this will be the perfect way to start this next year.
So, as I am off to drink my broth and eat my jello (does white wine count as part of a clear, liquid diet) ;-), I really hope you all had a fantastic holiday with your family and friends. I feel blessed to have you all in my life, so thanks for hanging around :-). Enjoy the rest of your Sunday night and remember ... Life is good. Enjoy it, love it and be kind to one another.
No comments:
Post a Comment