Something As Simple As A Jacket ...

Well, the first anniversary of my Dad's death is approaching soon.  I always remember my Dad, being so sad and upset and sort of lost on the anniversary of his mom's death. I never fully understood until now, because that same feeling has come over me. 

My grandmother died on Valentine's Day when I was in 3rd grade. I remember this because it was her favorite holiday. I remember this because my brother Michael and I were on a ski trip that day and came home to hear the news and how sad my brother and I were to hear this news. 

With this date coming up in just a little under 4 weeks, I now COMPLETELY understand how sad he was. She was his everything, and he was my everything.  How that will ever get better, I have no clue. I'm sure with time it will ... Please tell me it will. 

This past weekend, I was telling my friend Jacque how much I missed him and shared some stories about him.  Right now, sharing them makes me miss him more. I just REALLY wish he were still here ... I know he is here in spirit, but selfishly, I would love to still be able to give him another hug, get one last kiss and hear those words, "I love you tooooooo" ... Yes, it was a long too ;-). 

There were many sad, frustrating and upsetting things that have happened this past year but SO MANY INCREDIBLY wonderful things that have happened too that I REALLY wish I could share with him. He would always smile and listen even towards the end I don't know if he really understood, but there was that unconditional love and support that I felt that made me believe that he did. 

I MISS that. I am lucky to have a pretty incredible family and some pretty amazing friends but there is nothing like the support of your father to keep one going. 

It's so funny (and not ha ha funny) how all of these feelings stirred. B brought my Dad's leather jacket out of the front hall closet and asked how it could be cleaned as he was wanting to wear it. When I saw it, I immediately cried. Not because I didn't want him to wear it (I am really happy that he has it and wants to wear it), but because I was with my father when he bought the jacket (and those memories flooded back of the healthy man he was).  We spent so much time together when I was an adult and this was just one of those times that we were out shopping. He had looked at the jacket before and had taken me back to see what I had thought about it. He was so excited to buy this jacket. One of the best purchases he ever made.  He looked so handsome in it and wore it at EVERY opportunity that he could for the rest of his life ... It was an Al (Daddy's name) staple. 

It may sound like a silly story, but it is one that I will cherish and will remember every time B wears it. 

Big sigh .... I will get through this and will continue to live life to the fullest, embracing the opportunities that life gives along the way :-). 

I'll be back next week with hopefully some fun fitness and life adventures, but this is where my head is at right now. A lot of tears but a lot of smiles too, remembering the Daddy that I miss so much. 

Back At It and Being UN-Busy ...

Well, I have been hard at work fitness wise this week, shown by all of the ever-present Headsweats visors that that are in the laundry! A staple to my training wardrobe. It's funny, most don't recognize me without one on my head!!  

It has felt great to be consistent, incredible to be getting stronger already and I am a much happier person when fitness is a part of my life. Bring on spring and summer outdoor training!!!  The half marathon training has begun (I have missed running, so it has been wonderful) and the half ironman training officially begins in April but have been building that swim and bike base enough to be ready when full training ensues.  Can't wait!!  

These past couple of months I have been lucky enough to connect and reconnect with some wonderful friends and trainers who are all here for the same reason ... Motivation, support and the desire to really help each other succeed, so it makes this journey into the 2015 so much fun!!  

With my new work schedule (week one at home a success), it has been so refreshing to have that family, work, life and fitness balance that I had been missing. For a long time, I felt like I was rushing around to get EVERYTHING done ALL of the time. Now life is MUCH more relaxed and frankly, enjoyable (It all really started falling into place when I began working at Subzero).  Loving a calmer life.  Being busy isn't always better.  So many glorify the busy  ... Such an unproductive mindset for me ... I know I was exhausted when I was busy all of the time. I felt like a hamster on a never-ending wheel.  Life is simply TOO short to live life like that. 

One area I am working on that goes along with the above theme is unplugging  more ... Putting the phone away and leaving it there. Needs to be done for so many reasons and I am looking forward to the challenge (as it will be a challenge). 

This weekend has been really fun ... Seeing old friends, spending time with my friend Alison and her new puppy that she is training to become a service companion (this is number 15).  Such a gift she selflessly gives to others. I made spaghetti and heart shaped meatballs last night and spent the day relaxing with the Hubcap and Sparky as she was feeling a little under the weather.  At 2:30 this morning, I was able to pick up my Jack from school after a show choir competition in Indiana and give him a hug (always miss him when he is gone).  Today, a date with the hubcap at Costco. If you know anything about me, I LOVE Costco, so definitely fun. A little laundry, cleanup, time on the couch in front of the fire reading a book possibly with a glass of wine ... The heart is happy. 

My priorities for the week ahead, get the training in, get the work done and make time for the activities and people you love ... It is definitely worth it. 

I hope you have all had a wonderful week. I'll be back next week with some fun adventures, fitness adventures and cabin stories! Enjoy and remember, life is short, live it, love it and be kind to one another. 

Winning ...

Well, after a 2014 that was not the best whatsoever physically, professionally, mentally, and fitness wise, I am happy to say that I have made it through it and am better and stronger for it.

The loss of my uterus, ovaries and cervix was harder on me than I thought it would be. The positives being that I would not go down the path of cancer again in any of those areas, so the decision to have the surgery SO worth it.  However, my body was rocked with other unexpected issues that I didn't talk about with many. The weight gain, the hot flashes and the insomnia have been a big challenge for me as I no longer have any real metabolism nor do I have any estrogen flowing through my body. Combine that with all of the cancer treatments from, yes 5 years ago, made this chick a hot mess.  

After a long discussion with my Oncologist in September (prompted by a big nudge from one of my oldest friends Barbie), I am now on an estrogen patch (feel good about the decision) and the hot flashes are gone ... Weight loss has been a slow progression, but there is progress, so still consider the whole package win number one. 

The loss of my father also rocked my world in so many ways.  He was such an important part of my life and I miss him more than I could ever know.  He was one that embraced life and lived it to the fullest, making everyone he met feel like they were the most important person in the world ... He was an extraordinary man. My goal is to carry on that legacy and enjoy and embrace life the same way that he did. So proud that he is my Daddy. 

Professionally, it was also a challenging year. Without getting into much detail as I still want to remain professional (and after this post, I'll be done writing about the club). Leaving the gym was the best move for me. They were moving in a direction that did not match with my own fitness philosophy and vision. I made the decison to leave the environment as it was affecting my health and happiness.  I do not miss it there, but do miss some of my favorite co-workers and the members. They were my heart and soul and kept me there longer than I should have stayed. I am lucky to still have some of those people in my life. 

I was fortunate of to get a job with Zoro (a subsidiary of Grainger) quickly after I left the club. What a gift to get my feet wet again in a traditional workplace. I am grateful for that opportunity, but it was not the right fit as I have always been an active parent with both of my kiddos and it did not work with the priorities that I have always worked so hard to maintain. I learned so much, had wonderful co-workers and came out with new friends to boot, so it was a good move.   

In December, I was lucky enough to find a "home" with Subzero-Wolf. They are a wonderful company to work for. I am blessed that I am able to work part-time from home and am so glad I have found my work happy place again. It was tough finishing up training and leaving such an incredible group of people that I have gotten to know over the last six weeks, but am happy to not have to white-knuckle it on the way to or from work anymore. It'll be a short 100 feet to the home office.  What a gift and I am looking forward to working there for a LONG time. I call that win number two.  

Mentally, with the challenges mentioned above, it was not the best year. There was a lot I needed to work through, a lot I needed to let go of and a lot that I needed to process.  Resolving and figuring out all of the above was a big roadblock and I am glad I am on the other side of that. Win number three. 

As far as fitness goes, again, the above mentioned defintiely were a obstacles as to what I could do, what I wanted to do and what I had the energy to do. I am happy to report that this is all moving in the right direction. I have a plan, I have some wonderful friends, trainers and family to support me and to help me get back to where I need and want to be. I almost have my race schedule completed and am truly looking forward to racing and having fun out there this season (I will not "win" per say, but will win when I cross the finish line of each race) ... So that is win number four. 

With all of that "winning" (I almost put a photo of Charie Sheen on here), I must say that it feels good to have "ME" back and to smile again. I knew it would be a long process, but as the signature reads on all of my emails, "Life is Curly, don't try to straighten it out", defines life perfectly. We may want to try to straighten everything out, but there is a plan and a reason for everything and everyone. We may just not always quite know what it is while it's happening ... We just have to roll with all of the many different size "curls" that come along.

SO, with this current "curl" ... Look out!  This chick will be on the move pounding the pavement around Milton, in classes at some of my new favorite fitness facilities, on two wheels exploring Wisconsin or swimming like a fishy in a pool or in the open water ... give a shout out if you happen so see me!!! 

I hope you have all had a great weekend and enjoy the week ahead. I've had a blast spending time with the kiddos watching them participate in things that bring them joy. That always warms my heart. 

I'll be back on a weekly basis with "exciting" life and fitness adventures :-). Thanks for being patient and hanging around. Let 2015 Rock and remember to be kind to one another.