To put it simply, I am lost. Not sure where to find "me" again. I am not the same since my hysterectomy 18 months ago and I am definitely not the same since my daddy passed 15 months ago.
I'd love to feel "lighter" both mentally and physically. These will all take time. How much time, I have no idea. I will never "get over" the death of my father, but am looking forward to the day when it doesn't hurt so much. Not rushing time as it will happen when the time is right.
The total hysterectomy has changed me in so many ways. There isn't a "formula" that one can use as to what happens to a woman after and how it affects people is completely different for everyone. I will say, I am over the hot flashes. Looking forward to those being done. The extra "love" I have in my frame will change. I have finally realized that it will take longer to do so. And that is OK.
The focus right now is to have fun, not put so much pressure on myself, but keep moving, find me again, live in the moment and to continue spending time with those that I love and make life better. I am also enjoying not being so "busy" anymore. Not sure why we all glorify the busy, but cramming 25 hours into a 24 hour day has lost its appeal. Enjoying my slower pace.
I have pulled out of my half ironman this year. I have a feeling that 2016 will be the year for triathlon. Just not feeling it in 2015, but loving exercising for fun with friends.
Looking forward to making memories at the Stoned Loon Lodge with the family. I know it's been a while since I have been around the blog, and after today, it may be a while again. Thanks for checking in. I'll be back ...
Until I return remember, life is short, live it, love it and be kind to one another.
Love you, friend. You will find your way again. Keep moving forward.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Michele! I understand totally and in ALL ways. A few years ago I wrote a poem entitled "Tsunami" in which I described to the feeling of having "gone missing." Please, just keep trusting your heart and your gut... slowing down and trusting the process. You will find, eventually, the "new" you. Much love to you.
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