A Sickie...Again...and Priorities...

So...the recovery week started out well, then in a blink of an eye, the punky feeling set in again. Wednesday's run went ok, but chest felt tight and the body just didn't have that kick that it normally does. By Friday, I was miserable...went to swim, got done what I could but the wheezing was terrible. Rode the spin bike. Heart rate was high for the effort, then ran for 10 minutes. I was spent. Fortunately, I was able to get into my doc at 12:45 that afternoon. Gotta love UW Health :-). Back to Madison I went (I love going there, so there isn't ever any complaining on my part). Before my appointment, I was able to meet a friend for some amazing Mexican food (lunch with friends are the best), then off to see doc Steffen. Well, the spirometry test was hilariously bad, the chest x-ray showed that I was still not well...I do think its humorous when she says...lets just make sure nothing "funny" is going on there. Gotta love being a post cancer patient. I go back in a month and we are thinking that pulmonologist and allergist appointments are in my future. Good times.

Next stop was the Target pharmacy. Charlie, the pharmacist, brought out my bag o' drugs and said, "Wow, you aren't feeling well huh?" Left with albuterol for my nebulizer, ADVAIR 500/50, steroids and a uber powerful antibiotic. Let's hope that this REALLY does the trick..AND let's bring on the warm air and sunshine so I can get this gross recycled sick air out of my house!!!!

So, no training for the rest of the weekend per Coach Blake. He is probably wondering if I am ever healthy. I will get there :-). I do have the energy with all of these steroids, but can't do any training...I guess it's time to get stuff done around the house!!! That, at least, has been productive :-). B will be happy when he comes back from the cabin with dinner in the crock pot, a clean house, dirty clothes washed, folded and put away, the grocery shopping is done for the week, and the pantry cleaned out. :-). A win, win for me.

It's at times like this, that I sit back and think about family, life, work and training. It can be hard to stay focused on what is important, what we need to be doing and what we really want out of life. Distractions are a part of life and we all have so many things pulling us in a million different directions and its's hard not to get caught up in all of it...And I am certainly not immune to it. But, when I do get sick or need to take a step back, it helps to ground me and make me conscious about what my purpose is and what is best for me in my life with my family, friends, work and training.

One of the goals that I wrote down when I joined Team BBMC was to keep my family as happy as possible during this time...the hours will become long, I will be tired and the training will be a big focus especially once I get into the "meat" of the plan for this big day. Fortunately, Brendon has done ironman before, so he knows what is needed to get done to reach those goals. We did make an agreement, that once the weekend trips up to the cabin become more frequent this summer, family time will take priority. No long bike rides (as in 2-6 hours) while we are up there (I am lucky that I have a flexible work schedule, so I can do those during the week if I know we are going to be away over the weekend). I am also fortunate to have a place on a lake 50 yards from my house to get the swim done early in the morning before anyone gets up, and runs can be done early as well. We will definitely still have time for lazy afternoons on the pontoon boat with stops at the sandbar to hang out with the new friends we have made up there, and campfires at the fire pit to end the day. Can't wait for those days...it is a dream come true and I love the peacefulness of the northwoods. Attaching a picture of sunset from the pontoon boat from last summer to give you a little idea as to what this little slice of heaven looks like.

So...here is to breathing easier, good health and loving life and living it to it's fullest. Enjoy the ride of life, it's a great adventure and not one to take for granted. And thanks so much for taking the time to read my silly little blog :-). It really does mean a lot to me!! Until next Sunday :-)

Success, the "New Me" and a Proud Parent Moment...

Well, this past week, was a successful, but tiring training week. Goal number 1 was accomplished! All my training sessions that Blake had planned out for me were completed including the swims :-) Yay me!! I am SOOOOO happy that this is a recovery week. This chica is exhausted. Even more happy because I have, not one, but TWO, yes TWO, rest days! Whoo hoo!!!

Goal number 2 was remotely successful. Just too much work to do at the club and a lot of "to do's" in the planner to take the time to ACTUALLY find that time that I was really hoping to get. I DID make it to Jacque's yoga class, so that was definitely a good thing...She always gets me to that calm and centered place, even if it's just for a little while :-). And on Thursday night, I was able to spend some time with Lisa, Lesley and Sue to laugh a lot and enjoy a glass of wine or two ;-). I have some fun and not too packed days planned for the upcoming recovery week and, as a whole, training will be easier to fit in :-). So, light work lighter training schedule, relaxation, and peace...here I come!!! Fingers crossed that no one gets sick or has to have surgery ;-).

Onto thoughts about the "new me". I went to the pool on Wednesday, and got my swim on (love it when I feel like a real swimmer in the water). After I got out of the water and made it into the locker room, I was making small talk with another woman in there. As I am changing to get out of my suit and into my warm cozy clothes for the ride home, I see her catch a glimpse of the "new me". Well, if her eyes could have popped out of her head they would have and if her jaw could have hit the floor, it would have as well. Yes, I guess, it can be a bit shocking if you aren't expecting it ... and I'm not going to give a warning, as that could be more awkward ;-). It's not hard to describe, but it can be hard to visualize and really soak it in until you see it first hand (insert description here - think of completely flat chest with no nipples and scars across where each breast should be...not super pretty, but it is what it is). My response to her, was just a big smile and "Have a great swim. The water felt amazing today."

With all of the different breast sizes I have had or "shapes" I have had in the last 28 years, and believe me, there have been many. This one, by far, is the one that I am the most proud of and comfortable with. It is now the authentic me and, TODAY, I am happy with the "new me" and how strong I have become over these past 4.5 years. It's taken quite a while to get to this place, but I made it, and I think it's pretty awesome. I KNOW, that some people think that my latest decision was crazy and why wouldn't I just get the implants replaced (yes, these are things that people feel the need to share). I have come to the conclusion, that if others don't like my decision, it isn't my problem, it is their own. Several others have also asked why I wouldn't wear the prosthetics...my response, "Why would I? They really just get in the way and feel like I am trying to be something that I'm not." At this point in my life, I rely less on what others think of me and if people "like" me. It's always nice when they do but, I NEED TO LIKE ME, and that is what counts most. This can be a hard thing to change after being a people pleaser for most of my 44 years, but it can be done. So, the confident "boobless wonder" will be in the house from here on out and if you don't like or appreciate her, then so be it ;-).

Speaking of this new shape that I now have, I am going to get some photographs done in the next month that are similar to the ones that you can see at www.thescarproject.org (the photos are beautiful and show some amazingly strong women), but with more of an athletic/triathlete focus, so that should be exciting! Whether I share them with anyone or not hasn't been decided, but, it's something that I really want to do...I'll keep you posted on that little adventure.

And a totally random, but a proud parent moment from the weekend. Both Jack ("The Professor" - as his English teacher calls him) and Parker (Sparky) were in the local children's theater production of The Emperor's Birthday Suit as Emperor Augustus and Seamstress Annabelle. They both did an amazing job and I give them such credit for having the guts to get up in front of all of those people and act their hearts out!!! It is incredible to see both of my kiddo's comfortable up on stage :-). I have attached a photo of my two thespians!!

So, here is to an amazing week ahead!! May it be filled with some fun and adventure. And remember, life is good. Enjoy it, love it and be kind to one another!!! Until next Sunday!!!

Goals....and random thoughts...

Well, with about 200-ish days or 28-ish weeks left until Ironman Wisconsin (and I know those of you that are counting, will give me the exact number) :-), I think of all the swimming, biking and running that will take place in order to be ready for that "big day". So far, it hasn't been too overwhelming...ask me again late July or early to mid August how I am feeling :-). It has been really nice to open open up my email and see what is scheduled for me that day by coach Blake and the lovely Training Peaks peeps and not have to try to figure it all out and determine if I am doing the right things at the right times. Each week I have been looking at the schedule and trying to get it all figured out (when's and where's) before the week starts to keep the stress as low as possible. I am really making a conscious effort to keep my life balanced and in a good place. Some days, I am more effective than others, but I am really proud of myself for putting forth the effort. This week, the point was proven with only getting 2 of my 3 swims in. Not what I wanted to happen, but it is what it is. Goal number ONE for this upcoming week...swim all of the swims that are on the plan!! Goal TWO, take a little time for me this week and relax. Let's see how #2 pans out as I have already had to reschedule a "coffee" date with my friend Molly...hoping we can get that on the calendar again soon!!

IRONMAN GOALS: As of now I have FOUR of them...
1) Cross that finish line in honor of all cancer survivors and for those that are hopefully cheering me on from heaven.
2) Honor my own survival...it'll be my 5 year canciversary just 14 days after Ironman. :-)
3) Have the MOST fun possible out on the course on race day. I hope to be smiling all day...there will be tears too, but hopefully happy tears. If you have been reading along, I am an emotional person to say the least ;-)
4) Finish the race within my "goal" time...that time goal may change (not quite ready to share it yet), and there will be certain things within my control and out of my control that day, so the goal will not be set in stone...but hoping with all of my focused work, positive attitude and all of your support, I can make that a reality :-).

This journey is a never ending one. At times I question my sanity in my desire to tackle an Ironman again...why did I even think I could do one in the first place??? Everyone has their own reasons. It is such a personal journey. For me, ever since I started volunteering at Ironman Wisconsin several years ago, I have looked at all of those athletes from the wicked fast to the turtle slow people out there, and have always been inspired to do so much more than I ever thought I could. The first time I tackled this beast...it was to raise money for a cause I am passionate about, to inspire people (even if it was just a few) and to basically give cancer the big F.U. That pink cape covered a lot of miles from 2009-2010 flipping cancer the big bird!! During treatment in 2009, I think I completed more endurance events than I ever had in one season. Those little toxic drugs were not going to hold this Betty back. :-).

Now, Ironman round TWO, I am still giving cancer the big F.U. but I am in a different place now in the cancer journey. And the reasons are different now...I'll share them as we go (as we all now know that I am a "sharer"). I am also tossing around a few ideas and if I figure them out...there may be a head shaving that will take place the week before the race...we will see. I CAN tell you that I will definitely be wearing my Effcansah kit on race day-pic attached (if you are unsure as to what that means... "F" Cansah :-). Check out the website to learn more about Effcansah and the amazing woman Dawn, that started it. She simply rocks!!! www.effcansah.com

So...with all those random thoughts out there tonight..enjoy what is left of the weekend and remember...Life is good, enjoy it, love it and be kind to one another!!! Until next time!!

A New Week...and More Thoughts :-)

A new week is upon us...hoping this one will be less eventful than the last, but who knows what life will bring ;-).

Well, the rest of the recovery week as far as training goes went well. On Friday, I did my bike testing to figure out my HR zones. While I was in my long warmup on the trainer in the basement, one of my survivor friends, Molly (she is amazing by the by) posted on Facebook that she was heading to get treatment that morning. Thinking of her and remembering those days, made me want to give it that little extra something for her that morning. Posted something like that to her on her page. She responded with one word "PUSH"!!! At the moment I read that, I was overcome with emotion and thought about all that she is going through and the challenges she is facing as well as all of the others out there who are going through the same thing.

If I could take ANY of that away from her or anyone who is going through treatment, I would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I am not able to, but I know I CAN do this...I can work as hard as possible, fight as hard as possible to do my absolute best for her and all of the cancer survivors out there as well as those that have been taken from us too early. I am determined to make her and all survivors proud on race day...as well as those that are not with us anymore, especially my friend Max and Katie. I am attaching a picture of Molly and me from Ironman 2010 on the run course. She is just as beautiful now as she was then and I cannot WAIT to see her on race day this year!!!

When I think about not wanting to do a workout, thinking that I am too tired, or that my workout is going to be such a challenge that day...well, it's nothing in comparison to what treatment was like for me and what it IS like for those that I know are going through it now. Chemotherapy is one of those things that one dreads and wants it all at the same time...but it is hope in a bag and I wouldn't change that 12 months EVER.

Days like Friday, always remind me to live my life to the fullest and to do my best to enjoy my life. I, in general, try to focus on the positive, try to remove the negative, and connect with those that reinforce those same thoughts. There are times that I lose sight of this but, when I get those gentle reminders, it brings me back to where I know I need to be.

As always, I get sidetracked, but I bring it back eventually. Bringing it back to training...rest day on Saturday...LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the day off symbol on my Training Peaks account. And I did just that, well that, laundry and walked the dog. :-).

Today, was the run testing day. Wasn't feeling the best, but as coach Blake has said to me, I did my "best" that I could give today...He is wise in his young years :-). Happy to get that done and have great company with me!!

Thanks to those of you that take the time to read my little blog. It means the world to me. Life is good, enjoy it, love it and be kind to one another :-). Until next time!!!

Recovery Week, A Little Unexpected and Massage!!!!

Good Gravy, where to start the week....

The recovery week itself is going smoothly. Monday run and swim were great. Easy conversational pace, which I always enjoy. The swim was at the club...a LOT of flip turning with the shorter pool...so putting a positive spin on that, the flip turns are looking a lot better than they used to and I guess I may even look a little bada$$ doing them!! :-) I did also determine in that recovery swim that I am in need of new goggles...add it to the list right ;-). Tuesday, took Jacque's spin class...always enjoy her class (modified it to fit the needs of the plan as she was well aware that it was a recovery week, so I was good). Yesterday, another awesome lunchtime run!!!! You know you are working when the conversation is almost non-existent...thanks Deb for helping me get through it! Today a ride, again low key, so all good. Tomorrow is my bike testing...I'll keep you all posted on that.

Soooooooo, the unexpected....My Tuesday started off with driving Sparky to school as we couldn't find her backpack, so we had to drive to her play practice location to see if it was there...no luck. Dropped her off at school telling her that I would call if I found it at home when I got back there later...and I WILL NOT BE bringing it in. Well, on the way home, I am driving along down John Paul road and all of a sudden heard this loud BOOM and then a rumble...WTF is that?!?! A van behind me had his flashers going, so I pulled over. He came up and said that my back tire had blown and could he help me change my tire (how nice is that). Well, first of all, I had no clue as to where my spare was...when we found it, neither of us could figure out how to get to it. I was only a couple of blocks from home, made it there and promptly called the local dealership.

When I got the service manager on the phone, he was very kind and wanted to try to talk me through the process...ok, new process, something I haven't ever done before...guess who's brain shut down??? Ummm, mine. Instead of getting frustrated and cranky, I nicely asked if they had someone that could come out to the house to change it as we live about a mile away. As a matter of fact, they did and he sent Tyler (who was very sweet) out to change it for me ASAP while calling to order a new tire for Gigi. I have named the van Gigi = grocery getter. (A quick sidebar back to Sparky - she left her backpack at her friend Ati's the night before while she was seeing her puppy and Ati was kind enough to bring it to school). Back to the tire...it would be in at 2, can I come in and get to have it installed then? SURE!!! Meanwhile, Brendon, the hubcap, has not been feeling well with a stomach ache all day (really since midnight) and calls his doc...she says he needs to go to urgent care immediately for blood work and a CT scan.

Go to get the tire installed...while doing that, I had a little peace...a wedge salad and a glass of Pinot Grigio at Milwaukee Grill (amazing food by the by and awesome service)...that was the only relaxing part to the day. As I was picking up my car, and scheduled the second tire installation for Thursday and went to get Jack from play practice...B calls, telling me that he needs to have his appendix out tonight (just a heads up, I called his appendicitis at 5:00am) and would I come bring him to the hospital. Ok...I'll be there in a bit (scary to say the least). Get Jack from play practice, come home, get Sparky to take her to swim team (arrange for a pick up - thanks Mike and Jan), then go get B. When I get to urgent care, he already has an IV in...they say head straight to the hospital but don't rush...um, ok :-). If anyone knows my driving habits...Well, I will leave it at that.

Get to the hospital and they are waiting for him. Within 15 minutes, he was in the gown, had the happy juice in him and was wheeled off to surgery. Scary stuff...I guess I got a taste of my own medicine as he is always the one in the waiting room. About 1.5 hours later, the surgeon came out and said everything went great. :-). I was able to see him. He was groggy, but doing well, just happy that it hadn't ruptured and he would be home the next day. We said our goodbye's and he proceeded to apologize a gogillian times for wrecking my upcoming weekend...here is another funny sidebar story. So, about 9 years ago, one of my dearest friends, Terri and I were going to go to Jamaica for a long weekend to celebrate our 35th birthdays...well, just as I am about to leave to go to Milwaukee to go out of town, I get a call from Urgent care telling me that my husband has come in with chest pains and they are taking him to Meriter via ambulance...turns out he was in A-FIB and spent 3 days in the hospital. Fast forward to this upcoming weekend...Terri and I (yes, the same friend) were supposed to go up north to the cabin for the weekend to celebrate her finishing radiation...no dice. I told B that if he didn't want me to go, he could have just said no and not caused such a ruckus! B and I laughed about that one for a long time...he is recovering at home now, although, he is not a patient patient ;-). Terri and I have rescheduled, but I am not giving him the date ;-).

Wednesday was uneventful comparatively speaking. Broke B out of the hospital, got him home and settled, ran, then was home for the night.

Today, I went back to work (so happy I got subs for my classes this week, otherwise I may have been scrambling a bit), took care of things that needed attention and then went for my MASSAGE...OK, HUGE props go out to John McMahon at Alternative Wellness in Janesville!!!! The massage was absolutely incredible. He got this old girl back in working order and I left feeling relaxed and ready to take on the world. I will definitely be going back to him regularly. And to think that I never used to be a fan of massage...huh, silly woman, now I am DEFINITELY converted :-). All of those people that recommended him were absolutely right!!! And he is a great guy too!!!

Besides work, bike testing and a going away pizza party for Mary at the club, it will be another uneventful day. Looking forward to a mellow weekend and everyone feeling well next week...Oh, and update in my bronchitis/pneumonia...I am starting a second round of Z-PAC tonight. Let's kick this crap out of me :-).

Enjoy the weekend, stay safe out there on the roads and be kind to one another :-).