Lost ....

 I have come to this conclusion ...

To put it simply, I am lost. Not sure where to find "me" again. I am not the same since my hysterectomy 18 months ago and I am definitely not the same since my daddy passed 15 months ago. 

I'd love to feel "lighter" both mentally and physically. These will all take time. How much time, I have no idea. I will never "get over" the death of my father, but am looking forward to the day when it doesn't hurt so much. Not rushing time as it will happen when the time is right. 

The total hysterectomy has changed me in so many ways. There isn't a "formula" that one can use as to what happens to a woman after and how it affects people is completely different for everyone. I will say, I am over the hot flashes. Looking forward to those being done. The extra "love" I have in my frame will change. I have finally realized that it will take longer to do so. And that is OK. 

The focus right now is to have fun, not put so much pressure on myself, but keep moving, find me again, live in the moment and to continue spending time with those that I love and make life better.  I am also enjoying not being so "busy" anymore. Not sure why we all glorify the busy, but cramming 25 hours into a 24 hour day has lost its appeal. Enjoying my slower pace. 

I have pulled out of my half ironman this year. I have a feeling that 2016 will be the year for triathlon.  Just not feeling it in 2015, but loving exercising for fun with friends. 

Looking forward to making memories at the Stoned Loon Lodge with the family. I know it's been a while since I have been around the blog, and after today, it may be a while again. Thanks for checking in. I'll be back ... 

Until I return remember, life is short, live it, love it and be kind to one another. 

No News Is Good News ...

Life has been pretty status quo lately, which I always enjoy, so haven't written much ... 

Training has been going pretty well besides the lack of biking. Running 3-4 times a week, swimming twice a week and getting 2-3 strength sessions in each week as well. Need to get 3 in for sure to see the changes I am looking for. The bike will happen ... The trainer tire is off, so that's a step in the right direction. :-)

The big events for the upcoming week are first, my baby, turns 13 on Tuesday!!! Can't believe I will have a second teenager in the house!!!  Second, Jack has his first official job training meeting!  He is really is excited to be a part of the Kona Ice Krew and can't wait for summer!  Third, Sparky has her conference track meet.  Love to watch her run and enjoy watching her with the serious "in the zone" face while she is competing. Fourth, we hit the cabin!!!!  Looking forward to a long weekend at the Stoned Loon Lodge with boating, bonfires, good food and time with our lake friends. 

In he past few weeks, I have had a bit of a breakthrough, making time to meditate each day and seeing the results with better sleep, a more positive attitude and just feeling happier in general. I've been making sure to take care of me and writing what I am grateful for at the end of each day, so that is a plus. Just need to tweak the diet a bit more ... Have to continually make the effort to prep for the week ahead and not wing it. 

Today was a success on the Food planning front with grocery shopping done (date with the hubcap at Woody's), meals planned, my favorite Vega One shakes on deck and workouts scheduled and planned in the calendar ... I am ready!!!  

Hope you all had a fantastic week and enjoy your week ahead. May you be grateful for something everyday and take time to smile. Always remember, life is short, love it, live it and be kind to one another. Be back next week! 

Mistake ...

So here is a funny ... I apparently am not prediabetic. Did a blood test that checked my glucose levels for the last 10 weeks ... Not prediabetic ... WHOO HOO me!  Couldn't really explain that except maybe the first wasn't truly a fasting glucose test. I was so excited to get that news!!!  I am still on a great path and am really happy with the direction my fitness is going. 

Overall, these past two weeks have been  good. I am really enjoying my job as a whole and the extra bonus of having the time to get my workouts in, get things taken care of around the house, spend time with friends and to be able to be a hands-on parent makes me smile, plus I am able to talk with interesting people all day. 

In the past couple of weeks, I have been able to attend two INCREDIBLE events. I went with a friend to a THRIVE Connections luncheon where a friend of mine, Christi was the keynote speaker. First, I have to say that she did an incredible job and can tell that she LOVES what she does. She was authentic, funny, honest and very inspiring. There were so many things she said that resonated with me that it would take too long to write them all out. Brilliant and I am so happy that I attended. 

The second was a Mastering Meditation workshop at a friends yoga studio in town. I have been talking about and wanting to get into meditation more and more (right now it is a simple bedtime routine that I do, but would like to continue to learn about it and implement it into my life on a daily basis).  The workshop was incredible and gave some wonderful guidance. Have been meditating daily since then and it has done wonders. Continuing on that path as well. 

Hope the week has been a good one for all of you. If not, remember Monday is just around the corner for a fresh start!  I am ready to go with my food prepped for the week, my new fave, Vega One protein shakes all set and dinners planned. Looking forward to some family time this evening ...  Hope you all have a fantastic week and remember, live life, love it, enjoy it and always be kind to one another.  Be back next week :)

 

Progress ...

Well, this has been a great week both food and workout-wise ... The pre-planning and prepping of meals and general food on Sunday's is so beneficial for me. Makes the choices and the balance of nutrition so much easier.  The L-B's are coming off I am already feeling better and stronger. We will see what the doc and test results say in 6 weeks!!!!  

I am still working on carving out time for regular yoga and daily meditation. Fortunately Sparky wants to start practicing yoga so we are going to start going together in the next few weeks and am also attending to a meditation workshop next weekend.  All is a process but am looking forward to both as well as dedicating the time to reap the benefits that both offer. 

Half ironman training officially starts tomorrow ... Ack!  We will see if the mojo and urge to do a full ironman happens in the process.  As of now I am excited for the training and for the event, so that is a good thing.  If so, great ... If not all good and shorter distances it will be.  Decision will be made on August 23rd, just after the race is over.  

Looking forward to next week week and all that is coming. I have Thursday off so I'm able to attend a luncheon with a friend to see professional motivational speaker and one of my friends from HS, Christi Andringa. So looking

 forward to seeing her in her element as well soaking up some of the energy that she will give to the room!!!  

Well, Off to eat dinner, then get this little missy to bed. I am beat. I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend and make the most of the week ahead and as always remember, life is short, live it, love it and be kind to one another. I'll be back next week!  

I do have to give a special shout out to two people ... One of my dearest friends in the whole world, Terri,  had a birthday yesterday! She is a remarkable, giving and beautiful person both inside and out and I am lucky to have her in my life!  Here is a photo from our first half ironman that we participated in together. Love this photo ...

Another shout out to my friend Molly that celebrated her birthday yesterday as well!  She has been my inspiration and has been close to my heart since we have met ... Love this photo too. 

Nite all and I'll be back next week!! 

Harsh Reality ...

So, here is the scoop.  I am pre-diabetic.  I have work to do and I am up for the challenge and am hoping in 8-12 weeks, I can reverse this.  With the aftermath of the hysterectomy, my body has been retaliating and my "loose" training schedule hasn't been working with my now non-existent metabolism. On the bright side, my life stressors have decreased dramatically and am happier in many ways than I ever have been (still need more yoga and meditation, but am working on making both of them a priority).  

The funniest thing was the note I got from my doctor after all of the tests came back  ... "This is definitely reverseable if you lose a little weight" ... Ummm, yes, I am aware of that as that was one of the reasons why I scheduled the appointment in the first place. ;-) 

I need to do the work, I need to make sure I am getting my training in (I am excited about doing that again ... The passion is finally back). I am fueling my body in the best way possible and am truly finding enjoyment in all of those things that were lost for a little while. 

Now that the weather that is getting nicer, I have been able to reconnect with my running buds, gotten my booty back in the pool, am back at traditional strength training (I have forgotten HOW much I have missed it - more on that component next week, but I am SUPER excited!!). The last piece of the puzzle is to add cycling back in too (if anyone can find my mojo for that, please let me know). 

Sorry I have been MIA for a bit. Was just in a funky place ... We are all there at times and again, thanks for staying with me for the ride. 

I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend! We were able to take advantage of the nice weather and spend some time outside. Enjoy the week ahead and remember: Life is short, live it, love it and be kind to one another. 

Learning ... AND possibly getting wiser??

This is what I have learned from working at home in these last few weeks:

1) I love being home and being close to my family.

2) My "commute" is wonderful.

3) I love my job and am looking forward to expanding my knowledge base to be able to assist customers further.

4) It is imperative that get out and do some form of training/exercise every morning, whether it be at a fitness facility or outdoors.  I love seeing friends, trainers and workout buddies as they help make the start to the day that much better and definitely makes my heart happy.  I am lucky enough that my work schedule allows me to accomplish this so there isn't ANY reason why this can't happen. 

I began working on my half ironman training plan that will officially begin after spring break and I can't wait. Changing things up a bit and adding some new elements into the mix that I haven't always made an effort to include. I'm looking forward to incorporating them now. 

5) I have also made a point in these last few weeks to carve out time for myself to just "be".  It's been the best decision I have made, helping me to be a better wife, mother, friend and person in general. Defintiely a work in progress, but forward progress is a good thing. 

With this time I have made a few decisions: getting my USAT triathlon coaching certification is going to be put on hold for a bit and I am going to wait to do any coaching or teaching until 2016. Right now, with my new schedule, I am enjoying having the ability to explore new and different classes, trainings and reading books that inspire. This opportunity allows me to process and figure out what I am passionate about in regards to wellness, health and fitness and where I would like to go with it in the future. I'm excited to see where this will all take me and where and how I will land! 

As I said to one of my friends the other day, maybe I am ACTUALLY getting wiser as I get older ... :-) 

Looking forward to a week of good health, fun and fitness. I hope you have all had a wonderful week and I'll be checking in next week!  Remember, life is short, love it and live it as fully as possible  and always remember to be kind to one another. 

Something As Simple As A Jacket ...

Well, the first anniversary of my Dad's death is approaching soon.  I always remember my Dad, being so sad and upset and sort of lost on the anniversary of his mom's death. I never fully understood until now, because that same feeling has come over me. 

My grandmother died on Valentine's Day when I was in 3rd grade. I remember this because it was her favorite holiday. I remember this because my brother Michael and I were on a ski trip that day and came home to hear the news and how sad my brother and I were to hear this news. 

With this date coming up in just a little under 4 weeks, I now COMPLETELY understand how sad he was. She was his everything, and he was my everything.  How that will ever get better, I have no clue. I'm sure with time it will ... Please tell me it will. 

This past weekend, I was telling my friend Jacque how much I missed him and shared some stories about him.  Right now, sharing them makes me miss him more. I just REALLY wish he were still here ... I know he is here in spirit, but selfishly, I would love to still be able to give him another hug, get one last kiss and hear those words, "I love you tooooooo" ... Yes, it was a long too ;-). 

There were many sad, frustrating and upsetting things that have happened this past year but SO MANY INCREDIBLY wonderful things that have happened too that I REALLY wish I could share with him. He would always smile and listen even towards the end I don't know if he really understood, but there was that unconditional love and support that I felt that made me believe that he did. 

I MISS that. I am lucky to have a pretty incredible family and some pretty amazing friends but there is nothing like the support of your father to keep one going. 

It's so funny (and not ha ha funny) how all of these feelings stirred. B brought my Dad's leather jacket out of the front hall closet and asked how it could be cleaned as he was wanting to wear it. When I saw it, I immediately cried. Not because I didn't want him to wear it (I am really happy that he has it and wants to wear it), but because I was with my father when he bought the jacket (and those memories flooded back of the healthy man he was).  We spent so much time together when I was an adult and this was just one of those times that we were out shopping. He had looked at the jacket before and had taken me back to see what I had thought about it. He was so excited to buy this jacket. One of the best purchases he ever made.  He looked so handsome in it and wore it at EVERY opportunity that he could for the rest of his life ... It was an Al (Daddy's name) staple. 

It may sound like a silly story, but it is one that I will cherish and will remember every time B wears it. 

Big sigh .... I will get through this and will continue to live life to the fullest, embracing the opportunities that life gives along the way :-). 

I'll be back next week with hopefully some fun fitness and life adventures, but this is where my head is at right now. A lot of tears but a lot of smiles too, remembering the Daddy that I miss so much.